Post 4: My View On Relationships

My amazing dysfunctional family!

First things first, I apologize for being so quiet in the past few weeks. Life has been a whirlwind in both events and emotions. Todd and I have been so busy and it has been hard to find the time and energy to sit down and write. And, while I haven’t had time to write, I have had time to think. I thought about how complicated and stressful life is right now and how I know I am not the only one dealing with things right now. That everyone is going through something and it’s easy to forget that when you are only seeing smiling faces and success stories all over your timeline. But even with all of that, I have the best person by my side telling me that everything is going to be alright.

With everything that has been going on in my life right now, I couldn’t be more thankful for my husband. A majority of the things going on in our lives impact him greater than they impact me. He tends to be considerably better at handling his stress than I am though. Through everything that is going on, through everything that is uprooting our lives as they were even a month ago, he is still my rock. He is there every day to make sure that he has done everything he possibly can to relieve my stress, to make sure that I can get at least half a night of sleep and to make sure that I am fed and happy (which by the way, me being fed, generally also means I am happy…). My husband reminds me every day why I married him and why I am so thankful to have him in my life.

I can tell you right now that Todd is and always has been a better person than I am. He is much more patient, kind and forgiving. He can see the other side of a situation without thinking twice about it while I stand in the back being Judgy McJudgerson. Todd will help anyone that needs it and give you his opinion without making you feel like yours doesn’t matter. He can teach you how to do anything and actually makes it seem as though he is looking forward to doing it. One of the few problems of being married to such a fantastic person is that on occasion, and by no fault of his own, I feel as though some day he is going to wake up and think about all the times I have sucked as a wife and walk away. Never once has Todd been unfaithful, or threatened that he might leave, or even acted like something I had done wasn’t good enough. But still, I worry that because I know that Todd is a better person than I am, that he will find someone better.

I realize that this is irrational, I even realize that most of it is made up and yet still, I think about it every time I say something that would hurt my own feelings to Todd or every time I don’t support him in ways that he supports me, the thought crosses my mind. Sometimes it is fleeting, sometimes it is more detailed than I would like them to be. It, just like the rest of my stressors and fears is fading slightly as my own confidence works its way back into my life. While it still occurs often, it doesn’t come in the form of dreams. My subconscious doesn’t remind me of it every time Todd and I have a disagreement now which is an improvement to say the least.

If there is any advice that I can give to couples is to find out you and your partner’s love languages. The Pastor that married Todd and I told us one of the most beneficial pieces of advice for our relationship. He said that we love the way we want to be loved. If you find yourself waking up early and making your partner coffee and maybe a little bit of breakfast and making sure you wake them up sweetly, then maybe you can connect the fact that you too want your partner to do that for you. Or if you notice your partner constantly buying you little trinkets from wherever they go even though you think that the keychain from the gas station is dumb, maybe it would be beneficial to see that they want you to think of them everytime you look at something. It goes into the communication part of your relationship, you need to be able to read them and find out their likes and dislikes. You need to know what makes them tick and what ticks them off. It’s not a one time thing either, your relationship should be a constant learning curve. You shouldn’t know the answer to every question all the time. If you do, you get bored and mundane.

I know that I am only 22 and my experience in life is minimal compared to a lot of other people. But I do feel that even with my fears, I have a good relationship with Todd. Otherwise I wouldn’t have married him. Everyday I learn something new about him and I feel as if he learns something new about me. Without a doubt, our relationship, just like everyone else’s is hard sometimes. Sometimes I look forward to coming home to just the dog who won’t ask me why I am irritated or annoyed, but every day,  I look forward to kissing my husband and experiencing yet another crazy day with him. Every day I look forward to talking to him and every day I look forward to hearing about his day at work. Even when he irritates me and makes me want to lock him in the closet for a minute, I love him and appreciate him every day for it. And if your person doesn’t make you feel that way, in any relationship, whether it be friends, family or partners, than maybe you should think about your relationship a little bit more and see what you can do to improve it.

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