Post 1: Unusually Awkward

A day in my life consists of waiting until the very last minute to peel myself out of bed, texting my husband “I love you sooooooo much!”, brushing my teeth, and finding clothes to wear for the day. All while talking to my dog, trying to get him out of bed, walked, fed and loved on a little bit before he’s left all alone for another day. I drive the 45 minutes to work on a two lane highway that’s simply not meant to handle the influx of people this state has gotten, and walk to my desk. This is where I will sit for the next 9 hours of my life, doing the least gratifying work that I have ever done in my life…And I think to myself, I’ve only got to make it to tomorrow. With that, by the end of the day, I make the 45 minute drive home, and get greeted by a wagging tail and puppy kisses. It’s enough love to make your heart happy for the whole night.

All my life I have lived in the shadow of my older brother. He is two years older than me and I have both looked up to him my whole life and also been a little bit jealous of him. Always smarter, always had more friends, and all of the teachers liked him better. He played sports, is a fantastic woodworker, and unfortunately is still infinitely smarter than I will ever be. I always told myself the one thing I had going for me was that I was better with people than he is. Even though I am not even sure that’s true.

While he was always the best at everything, I found myself falling short of greatness. In my graduating class I was dead center as far as grades came. I was an officer in our high school FFA chapter and only lettered in academics my freshmen year. Those are my two claims to fame in my whole 22 years. I have 4 years of college under my belt and yet I have no degree simply because I refuse to spend all that money on something I don’t feel 100% passionate about. Which as of yet, is nothing. I have a closet full of half finished crafts for anyone interested in jumping in on some half done projects. I have a blanket that I started when I was about 13, that’s even pinned together, but I have yet to finish it. So it sits in my drawer and keeps the dust bunnies warm in the winter. I have a bunch of jewelry making supplies, but as it turns out, I’m not so great at basic skills like patterns. I’ve even tried embroidery, which is much harder than the YouTube videos like to portray! Luckily, Todd has opened my eyes to some new things like tent camping, archery and hiking. These are some of my favorite things actually! But my fear of abduction keeps me from traipsing through the mountains on my own…

I remember being told that I am different quite a lot throughout my life. No one could ever tell me how, or why even, they just tell me I’m different. Whether it be because of the way I talk, the things I find funny, or the way I carry myself, I am not sure. I find myself constantly wondering what people think of me, while simultaneously telling myself not to care.  On occasion I am told that I am super nice, or quite the opposite. And while it is none of my business what other people think of me, I can’t help but have the thought sitting in the back of my mind constantly. I remember meeting my husband’s friends for the first time and all I could think about was how they must be thinking about how boring and lame and bossy and different and annoying and mean I must be! I am shy and quiet around a lot of people, especially upon our first interaction and yet I couldn’t bring myself out of that shell to prove all of the thoughts racing through my head wrong. And so still, to this day, I find myself thinking about how much they must not like me and what they must say when Todd and I are not around. I have yet to discover how to overcome the overwhelming thoughts of dissatisfaction. I find myself navigating this world rather unusually.

Everything is not always dark and gloomy though, being unusually average is not a bad thing. It has shown  me so many new things in this world, and given me many great experiences! I have never wanted to be like everyone else. I take pride in the fact that I was the only girl Kodi I’ve ever known, and even more pride in the fact that I enjoy doing things that not everyone else does. My husband and I LOVE cooking, and crafting and hunting and fishing together. We love the outdoors, but we love hanging out in our beautifully decorated house and doing a puzzle together just as much. It’s a gamble every time we walk in our door seeing if our dog puked under the table or chewed up my underwear for the 47th time. Even though he has the cutest little puppy dog face, boy does he know how to make you question if you really need a dog at all.

I tried to come up with a few of my own strengths, have you ever tried to come up with 5 positive things about yourself? It’s not nearly as easy as it sounds. In fact, I have found it impossible, so much so that I have decided my strengths will come with time. So my strengths are to be determined. They will come with the self discovery I think.

If I don’t have you hooked by now, let’s be honest, you won’t find much interest in what I have to offer. I don’t have a lot of tips and tricks to offer. I don’t have a guacamole recipe with an entire backstory about my husband’s, grandmother’s, great cousin twice removed to proceed it to offer you. I have my life, which is Unusually Average in every sense of the phrase. I have the trials, the tributes, the triumphs and the tortures that life has decided to throw at me. Odds are, there will be humor to follow most situations, because as average as my life is, it is wonderful. I love every minute of it. My husband supports me in everything I do, and my dog has enough of a life to fill both of our hearts. I’ll give you my best, from the very beginning. Regardless of the views and the publicity, you will find my true, honest, raw unfiltered thoughts and prayers typed out for all to see.

 

That’s all for now, Kodi.

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